honest mistakes

By alice | November 3, 2005

Watched Kill Bill 2 again last night. Was struck by how sensitively Bill has parents BB, and how Bill and Beatrice manage to tell their four year old daughter the truth about what must be the most deranged, violent and horrific parental relationship ever to exist since the Macbeth baby was fortunate enough to die in infanthood, in a way that is completely untraumatic, comprehensible and acceptable to BB. They keep their problems with each other far enough apart from their relationships with her, that it never occurs to her that she is less loved than if they were cosily married. They also communicate absolute respect for each other, and each other’s role as parents, in front of her, in a genuine way.

Once BB is asleep, of course, dad gets killed by mum. Although dad started it- aside from the small matter of having shot her in the head previously, he grabs a sword over the table and starts waving it unannounced, which is not good Samurai etiquette. So definitely self-defence, in the event, but if BB can handle her first four years with only a photo of her mother, maybe she can also handle worse.

So much of children’s vulnerability comes from parental dishonesty. Truth sensitively communicated is empowering, whether the news is good or bad. “This is love,” followed by shoddy, self-serving behaviour, is the worst lie of all. Never noticing or apologising for your own mistreatment of others is itself shabby, and therefore inculcates low standards in your children, making them feeble, needy and dependent. Whereas if you machine-gun your spouse and all her friends, but admit that it was very very bad, and explain how you found that out and what you learned from the realisation, then they can learn from your mistakes too.

2 Comments »

2 Responses to “honest mistakes”

gcotharn Says:
November 3rd, 2005 at 3:56 pm

“Whereas if you machine-gun your spouse and all her friends, but admit that it was very very bad….”

And you worried about being assertive… :)

All my life, I brushed off platitudes about “Truth”. I thought: “Whatever is that classical obsession with ‘truth?’”

Only in my old age do I begin to see the pervasiveness of fantasy. One example would be taking extreme measures to avoid pain and suffering, in the mistaken belief that avoidance of suffering equates to happiness. Another example would be avoiding short-term discomfort while pretending that corresponding long-term discomfort will never come.

Bill and Beatrix’ bushido training was like a Doctorate in identifying truth. Further, their code would not allow them to lie to their daughter. It was a big parenting advantage.

1960’s flower children mistakely believed they disagreed with classical philosphical and religious values, when they actually disagreed with their parents’ application of those values – not the values themselves. The most unwise of those flower children never recovered, and raised their children without benefit of a well-tested and well-grounded code – be it bushido, or Episcopal, or Torah. Believing they were wiser than Aristotle and Martin Luther, they made up their own truths without consultation. A pity.

We see echoes of this in today’s political disagreements. If Pai Mei were POTUS, he might tip his hat to Churchill:

“War is the absolute worst method of dealing with unreasonable Islamists, except for every other method yet invented.”

Sharon Ferguson Says:
November 4th, 2005 at 10:26 am

Wow…I have had no inspiration to see Kill Bill, but you have intrigued me now.

Both blogs looking good, Alice!